Dear Kagura-chan:
How have you been?
All my hair follicles have died, but otherwise, I'm okay.
As usual, I'm flying through the stars chasing Aliens.
Lately, I've been mixed up in a battle
[Note: Earth Federation is a GUNDAM parody]
between the Earth Federation and The Principality on a planet somewhere.
You're no ordinary guy, I take it. Are you a new type?
Until a while back, I was a haired-type, but now I'm a skin-type.
[Note: A parody of GUNDAM's zuchou vs. zentou type]
No, that's not what I meant...
Anyway, now that I'm here, The Principality will win.
Listen up! As of today, I will be in command of the Federated Army!
Everyone will shave their heads! Grow long hair and I will whack your ass!
More importantly, are you enjoying yourself, Kagura-chan?
Is that silver-haired guy bullying you,
or that four-eyed guy looking at you with those lecherous eyes you only see on adolescents?
My daughter is studying abroad on Earth.
Seriously? You must be worried.
If anything is wrong, just let me know. Daddy will come and kill them all.
Good-bye. I'll write again.
P.S.: I forget to say one thing.
It's about that big dog you're keeping... You should really dump it before it turns into a monster.
You're too late...baldy.
And besides, no matter what anyone says, I'm never leaving you.
Right, Sadaharu?
[Thank you to Sasaki-kun, Sekiba-kun, Nakajima-kun and Arai-kun of Sendai for the photo. That's a near perfect ice rendition of the Neo-Armstrong cannon.]
[But don't expect a gift; the world isn't that generous. You can have the gift of a "memory in your hearts" because we showed it on TV.]
So you see, the game scheduled for the dome was cancelled.
And to pay off all the damage we had to sell all our shrine property.
Oh my!
I can't believe we have to go through all this just because of a dog.
And now, my younger sister and I are back to living in an apartment.
That's why men are just like dogs.
You dump 'em without a second thought, but they eventually come back to bite you.
Yeah, but at least dogs are smarter.
Ane-san, you've been requested. Table 3.
Coming.
Is it Mr. Kikuya again? That lech really likes you.
Like I said, they always come back.
They're really stupid. They get so worked up just because I'm a miko.
Nurses, miko, and flight attendants... The insane fantasies they have about women.
If they only knew that being a woman meant spending you life battling through piles of crap.
["Adults Only. We Wouldn't Want Anyone Immature in Here..."]
Boss, it's me, Ane. I'm so glad you came to s-
Ane-chan's here, Boss Kikuya.
What the hell are you doing?!
I was filling in for you 'til you showed up, Ane-chan.
But the jerk grabbed my butt. I was startled, and...
I'm the one who's startled! What're you doing to my customer?!
I'm sorry. He's not my customer, so I figured it's okay.
You know damn well it isn't!
It's my way of welcoming a customer.
Look, just because that gorilla, who's always stalking you, doesn't mind being beaten up,
that doesn't mean you can treat anyone else that way!
Who're you calling a stalker gorilla! That's rude, you!
Otae-san, tell her off.
All right...get lost, gorilla.
No, that's not what I meant.
If you don't want to hear it, get out of here, gorilla.
No, that's not what I meant.
In fact, do the world a favor and get out of everywhere, gorilla.
No, that's not what I meant.
Just a minute, calm down, Ane. You're shocking the other customers.
Otae definitely went too far, but Mr. Kikuya is also at fault.
He keeps trying to turn this place into an all-you-can-grope buffet.
The other hostesses don't like him, either.
Your butt?
What's the big deal about getting your butt groped?
Do you know why there are two halves to your butt?
It's so that you won't mind if someone touches one half.
No, I don't think so.
If he touches your left cheek, let him touch your right!
Everyone knows that you're supposed to turn the other cheek!
Ridiculous! Our butt cheeks are vestiges of when we were all angels. They were once wings.
Now that's ridiculous!
What's with that? You being romantic? Like we were some kind of magic girl?
Yeah! Boobs used to be wings!
You got it wrong, Pal. They're left over from when we used to be living arsenals.
They were missiles.
Just what do you think humans used to be?
Okay, I'm not running a Touchy Pub here. But it's not an S&M bar, either, okay.
This isn't the place for enjoying sadistic shows.
Yes, you're right.
"Yes, you're right"?! What is this, the Kazuyoshi Morita hour?
[Note: A play off Kazuyoshi Morita who is Tamori, the basis for the Tamo-san in this series]
Yes, you're right.
You two make me so mad...
So, Otae-chan,
I did ask for you to do a little bouncer duty on our worst drunks,
but I think you've gone too far with the stick.
I don't have a stick, I have a hole.
[Note: A play on the word, bou = stick/rod and youjinbou＝bouncer/bodyguard]
No, that’s not the issue here. Women shouldn’t say such things.
And as for you, Ane-chan, I realize you need money,
but your methods are a bit unscrupulous.
I’ve received many complaints from customers
that you dumped them after they’d given you every cent in their wallets.
I haven’t dumped them. I recycle the men who can save up enough money to crawl back to me.
I never heard of such a nasty recycling that was so harsh on the Earth.
Well, the two of you are the top girls here. I’d really like to keep you both…
but this business is not going to survive with two nuclear warheads here at the same time.
That’s why I need one of you to quit by the end of this month.
The one who’ll remain is…
Well, it’s just about the day when we tally monthly sales,
so I think the one who brings in more sales will stay.
He can’t be serious.
At a time when I’m already struggling to make a living and have to work even harder.
Damn that hateful woman.
Who knows how many of my customers have been her victim.
She’s never sold as many drinks as I have. And yet everyone adores her.
I’ve never liked that about her.
This is the perfect chance to drive her out of the bar!
Ane-chan.
I’ve gotten out of hand. I’m sorry. It seems I got us into it this whole mess.
I see what you’re doing.
I’m not blaming you. Let’s both try our best tomorrow.
I’m not letting you give me a false sense of security.
About our contest… I’ll forfeit.
I heard from everyone.
Ane-chan, they said you had to abandon the shrine you were living in and how it’s been really difficult .
And on top of that, you’re looking after your introverted younger sister.
I…can’t fight against you, Ane-chan.
I know. I know that you work harder than anyone, Ane-chan.
Hang in there. I’m rooting for you.
What just happened?
That caught me totally off guard. That woman doesn’t make any sense. But…
I think I understand why everyone likes her so much.
Welcome. Two?
This the place? You’re sure this is the right place?
Hey, hey. Isn’t this place expensive? You sure it’s okay?
You’re from the Odd Jobs!
The miko hussy. You’re working here, too?!
Who’re you calling a hussy? What’re you doing here?!
Huh? I know someone here.
Sir, shall I call a particular girl?
Call Otae-chan.
O…!
Gin-san, Hasegawa-san. Right this way.
That bitch! She called her customers here!
Hot, hot, hot!
It’s been so long time since I’ve been in a place like this.
Hey, you’re gonna give us a deal, right?
We haven’t got much money.
Ane-chan says she’s really struggling to pay back what she borrowed.
I…can’t compete with Ane-chan.
Or so I want you to believe.
I couldn’t care less what happens to you. I have my own oath to restore my father’s dojo.
She tricked me! How could I have missed that?!
That bitch!
[Teach me! Ginpachi Sensei]
[Question Corner]
[Ginpachi Sakata]
This is from “I want to be an animator and draw Gin Tama.”
I can’t seem to draw Gin-san’s hair well. Please give me just a small hint.
All right, I’ll teach you.
His hair may appear random, but it does follow some rules.
[How to draw Gin-san]
The key is the four cowlicks.
First, draw a normal head.
Then, draw small cowlicks on both sides of the top of his head.
Then draw cowlicks around the ears and elongate the front hair and you’re done.
[Done.]
Just so you know, anime is a tough job that doesn’t make much money, so I wouldn’t recommend it.
[Teach me! Ginpachi Sensei]
Okay, now that I’ve taught you how to draw Gin-san, let’s do Shinpachi and Kagura next.
[How to draw Shinpachi]
First draw what you think is a ordinary guy. Make it lack as much personality as possible.
Then, give it glasses. Okay… Done.
[Done]
Next, how to draw Kagura.
[How to draw Kagura]
First, remove Shinpachi’s glasses, and make the hair white.
Next, add two buns on the head. Okay…Done.
[Done.]
All the characters are based on Shinpachi.
If you master Shinpachi, you can draw all the characters! So, let’s Shinpachi!
She tricked me! How could I have missed that?!
That bitch!
Shit.
It’s still not too late.
Hi, I’m Oryo. Cool shades!
What? You can tell? Actually, they were expensive.
So what do we do now? Can I touch your butt?
Just kidding. I’d be better off kneading dough than grabbing your flat behind.
Oh? You’re so turned on your nose is bleeding.
Incredible. She’s already forgotten what happened two frames ago.
Such a fun customer you are. Would you like a drink?
We have Dom-Peri and…Dom-Peri and Dom-Peri and Dom-Peri.
[Note: Dom-Peri is Japanese for Dom Perignon]
[Dom-Peri Dom-Peri Dom-Peri Dom-Peri]
[Note: written with various forms of “don”]
[Shochu and water]
Shochu and water.
You got it.
Dom-Peri, please!
Somebody, call an interpreter!
Dom-Peri? Brings back memories of when I worked for the Bakufu and they’d serve it at elite events.
It’s too expensive to pay out of my own pocket, so I never touched the stuff.
We’ll be fine with something cheaper. Like beer.
Dom-Peri…Dom-Peri mixed with Dom-Peri, not beer but Dom-Peri, Dom-Peri.
Nothing but Dom-Per. More Dom-Peri. Say Dom-Peri. What?
What was Dom-Peri? I’m all mixed up. Dom-Peri.
It’s all Dom-Peri!
They’re ripping us off. No doubt about it. This is a rip-off joint!
That’s ridiculous. Otae-chan wouldn’t do a thing like that.
Then what’s a Dom-Peri mixed with Dom-Peri?
I can’t understand that. I don’t understand all this Dom-Peri or my own thoughts.
Gin-san.
You and I haven’t had Dom-Peri in a while.
Dom? Is that like beating a drum? What? When did we ever have Dom Perignon?
Hasegawa-san, I think your shades, and your shades, and your shades
would go well with Dom-Peri.
Peri?!
That’s odd! You’re odd! Are my shades the only thing you can compliment?!
Please, Dom.
I want to drink it, Peri.
All right, Dom?
Okay, Peri?
Hey, hey, hey. Put it together and it’s Dom-Peri.
Dom-Peri! Dom-Peri!
Subliminal advertising!
They’re manipulating our subconscious minds! Cover your ears! Don’t let them sway you!
Excuse me. Five Dom-Peri please!
It’s Big Daddy Matsudaira!
Macchan!! Macchan!! Macchan!!
Oh “Daddy”, I’m so happy you could make it!
Forgive me, I pulled you away from work.
It’s all right. It was just a meeting.
Not like Edo’s going to be destroyed or anything.
But if I can’t come here, I will be destroyed.
Oh you make me so happy!
That’s Big Daddy Matsudaira!
Really?
Otae! That man is famous for the outrageously extravagant way he parties.
“Daddy.” I haven’t had Dom-Peri in a while.
That stuff’s like juice. I’d like to drink something stronger, but ah well…
Five Dom-Peri, coming right up!
I’ll serve it right away.
What a waste! It’s spilling over.
It’s like at a host club.
Cheers!
Chug, Chug…!
Big Daddy, you’re wonderful.
My gosh, five bottles at once… There’s no way you can win against that…
What? You want to beat him?
Hell, we can match every one of their champagnes with 80-20 water and shochu and get higher than him.
That’s not what this battle is about. She doesn’t want such a lame victory.
Did you see that? This is the difference between you and I.
Otae, what’ll you do? At this rate…
Is it okay to let her get on that kind of a roll?
Hey, hey, you guys, why the long faces?
Bring 10 bottles of Dom Perignon.
Kondo-san!
We have an order for 10 Dom-Peri!
Awesome!
Otae-chan jumped ahead of Ane-chan all at once!
What?!
I heard what’s going on from the hostesses.
You could’ve come to me, Otae-san.
I’ve been saving up my savings passbook as a joint account for when we’re married.
[O-Edo Bank Passbook]
You can relax now. I may not look it, but I’ve made quite a lot.
…Gorilla-san.
Don’t call me G-Gorilla… It doesn’t match this scene.
Okay…Go-rilla-san.
Same thing.
Kondo!
You’re a hundred years too early to try and outshine me in Kabukicho!
Shut up, lecherous old man! From tonight on, I am the King of Nightlife!
Don’t be ridiculous! I won’t allow even the Shogun to take away what I live for! 15 Dom-Peri!
You’re so cool, Daddy!
Otae-san! Dom-Peri over here, too…
Excuse me. Another round of Dom-Peri with this.
You mean you already ordered? That’s my wallet! Nobody said “you’re so cool!”
No, you’re terrific, guy. We all know that.
It’s not easy to give as much as you did. Gorilla, you’re one heck of a guerilla!
All you did was change the spelling!
Why are you drinking when you’re not even part of the staff?
Don’t worry about the details!
Don’t!
I do!
More Dom-Peri!
This is a record!
Another round of Dom-Peri!
Another Dom-Peri!
Keep the Dom-Peri coming!
More and more Dom-Peri!
It’s neck to neck!
Drink up!
You’re pretty good, Kondo. But isn’t your wallet nearly drained by now?
Don’t underestimate me. I withdrew my entire marriage savings.
Huh?! There’s nothing left. What’s going on?
You never ordered Dom Perignon on your own so you didn’t know!
It’s staggeringly expensive! It really is. It’s expensive!
A few dozen glasses of it can wipe out your savings!
"What’ll I do? My wife’s gonna kill me!"
So you’re finished, too!
Uh-oh, Otae-san…
Kondo-san, that’s enough. What you’ve done is plenty…
Otae-san…
Now all you have to do is sell this and that’ll be enough…
Um…sell that? But, that’s a Samurai’s soul.
Soul? You can just buy a new one.
No, I can’t do that.
Let’s see some big money!
She’s right. She’s right.
If you need one, buy it used! I bought mine from an infomercial!
What? You said you bought it from a wizard.
I lied!
That’s awful.
I went to the main store, and anguished and anguished before…
You sell your shades.
What…
I said, go sell your shades.
And buy me a drink!
They’re expensive, aren’t they?
Get going!
That’s what you get for trying to act cool when you’re dirt broke!
Look at me! I live simply, so I’ve got nothing to lose.
You, go borrow money.
I’m saying, guys who don’t have any money need to go borrow some!
That’s why I said you punks are a hundred years too young to be playing at night.
Kids who don’t know when to quit can’t survive in this town.
My wallet’s empty, so…
Ane-chan, the bill please.
What’re you talking about?
Your wallet may be empty, but your bank account isn’t, is it?
Hurry and make a withdrawal. Or I’ll tell your wife everything.
Yes, you both were fantastic!
Ane-chan, Otae-chan. I have to say you both win the competition!
That was a great match.
From now on, let’s work together for the sake of the club!
[Kabukicho, town of greed]
[Tonight as always]
[Men and women replay the drama of love]
[Though they know it is]
[But a fleeting dream]
[They cannot escape]
[The fate of foolish men]
[Ah…]
[The morning sun is blinding again today]
Hey, What’s with the cheesy lyrics over our heads?
Don’t try to trick me. That’s not going to settle anything!
[Preview]
Wow! A monstrous guy has moved in!
“My neighbor Hedoro,” he looks so scary!
A florist by day, but he must be an alien conqueror by night!
The next episode… “Do Cherries Come from Cherry Trees?”
[Hedoro’s house shows up next door. Are those demon flowers for world conquest?]
[What is the fate of the Odd Jobs? Who must circulate the Neighborhood Notebook?]